It's been a few weeks since I've posted. This is partly from traveling, Thanksgiving and family, yada yada yada. It's also from a desire to wait until I thought I had something worthwhile of sharing.
As I am getting married in about 6 months, I may be more sensitive or possibly just more aware of things having to do with marriage and the like. I've often seen, especially in the past few months of young women stating that they're "marrying their best friend in [insert number of days]". And while there is nothing inherently wrong with saying this, and I'm sure it may be earnestly true for some, I think for the vast majority of those in my situation, it just isn't accurate.
First off, the title "best friend" has been massacred in this current generation to the point where it is virtually meaningless. Girls and women (including myself up until the past few years) use it for any person, male or female, that they spend any significant amount of time with. And it is used for ANY close friend. And again, there is nothing BAD about having many friends, or even many close friends, but the word "best" means there is an actual "best". The first place runner in a marathon is the "best" runner, not the second or third or fourth... I could use a thousand other examples, but I think you get the point. And I know language is a living organism in the sense that it is always changing, but can we all agree to be more intentional with the English language?
I have a handful of close friends, all very different girls that I have special relationships with. One speaks truth into me, another is for comforting company, another to speak truth to, and another to walk next to in life, etc. None of these women are inherently better than the next, but I wouldn't call all of them my "best friend" just because I love them more than and spend more time with than other friends. And I may be considered one of their best friends, but that doesn't mean they have to be mine. I think it's ok to have a couple of best friends, but to have ten? That's a little excessive. Friends naturally come and go as a person grows and develops into the person they become. It's one thing for a young teenager to proclaim their abundance of best friends, but if you're an adult, it's time to be real with yourself. I understand wanting a girl to feel special by calling her your "best friend", why not use something less general?
And the older I get, I learn (the hard way) that I can never really have a male best friend. Unless they (if I'm being honest with high school self) are an idol in my life and I am sinfully leaning on them for some sort of male approval, affection, fulfillment, or whatever. Again, I'm sure this is no blanket statement, but it is my personal experience, and I'm positive more women can relate to this than not. There is just some level of physical, mental, or spiritual sense that cannot be transgressed as a Christian without crossing a line that was never meant to be drawn. If you have to change the way you treat a male friend once you start a relationship or marriage with another man, you should never have acted in that manner in the first place (and that is a blanket statement!).
So to my original point: why I'm not marrying my best friend.
Simple answer? HE'S (going to be) MY HUSBAND NOT MY BEST FRIEND.
Fiancé and I are very close. We have learned to communicate pretty well while enduring long-distance. We spend a lot of time together. We laugh a lot and enjoy each other's company. We probably know more about each other than any other person does. We trust each other. We love each other more than any other person or relationship. We're committed to each other (divorce is not a word we will ever use in our home). All of this and more are what most girls, if they saw this written on paper, would ascribe to their several best friends. But this is not. This is (or will be in a fuller sense once we are married) a spousal relationship. It is special, different, consecrated.
Once I am married, I should never be able to compare any other relationship, whether with my mom, friends, or man, etc. And to slap a vague, common title of "best friend" onto my HUSBAND is nothing but a despairing insult. When Fiancé and I marry, we will become one. I am not "one" with
any girlfriend. I would never use such vague language to describe my relationship with him. He's my journey partner, I don't get to abandon him the first sign of disappointment.
On another note, it would be a bit unfair to place "marriage" expectations on one of my girlfriends or expect the kind of communication level I have with another woman with my masculine Fiancé. Men and women quite obviously communicate differently, and there is nothing wrong with that. It was designed that way by God! So each relationship is to be treated differently, because they are in fact, different.
A girlfriend could understand some things without really having to express them verbally, but you may have to spell out to your partner. And the same goes vice verca. And some things just can't be transferred across relationships, but are meant to be kept private. I can't go around slashing my man to my friends in the name of honesty, and I shouldn't share intimate details of a woman's life to him.
So let's be frank with ourselves and keep the natural boundaries between the different types of relationships. They're there for a reason. Let's be more intentional with the way we speak.
Thanks for listening to me babble.
In Christ.
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