Long distance relationships have a bad wrap. TV always portrays one or both people cheating, doubting, feeling overwhelmingly needy, etc. And they almost never work out. So I'm writing tonight to let y'all know a little of what they're actually like.
All in all, it's not THAT bad.
At least, these days it isn't. 50 years ago, I might have been saying something different. But there are too many avenues to communicate with, I can't really complain. So here are a few things that I have learned these couple of years:
1. If you are in Christ, you are already fulfilled.
This goes for all relationships, but it is profoundly important to remember when your partner is physically absent. I can imagine these two years would have been unbearable if I expected Fiancé to fill all my needs. He was never meant to do that. We would have broken up for sure. You will be forced very early on to rely on Christ, because you don't even have the option to rely on him/her. They can't be there to wipe your tears after a rough day at school or work, punch the jerk (figuratively) in the face for harassing you, or cuddle up next to and watch a movie. My man has been "there" for me and very supportive of course, but 750 miles can be tricky. But I got to learn how to love and enjoy him, instead of idolizing my "need" for him.
2. It's better than the alternative.
I think I've explained this to a thousand people. If you find yourself in our situation, you have two options: be with him at any means, or don't. We clearly didn't think the latter was an option. Sure it's not ideal. But wait, isn't God's plan always ideal? If you know like we knew that this person is who God has intended for you to build a life with (and that person is on the same page), a 100 miles and a few years fades into the distance. God has a bigger picture, and if this is the way he can bring about more glory to himself, who are you to complain? Sure, you could wait a few years, date other people, bring in more baggage from the emotions of having more relationships than you need (one, once) THEN decide, when you think you're ripe and ready to be together. But that could be a mistake. If God has called you to this person, he will prepare and give you the strength for such a time as this. I learned so much from these two years. I grew myself, we grew together, and when God decided we were ripe and ready to be near each other, he prepared us along the way, and now he is coming home.
3. Temptation is real.
I'm not even gonna lie to you, this part sucks (it gets even worse if you get engaged). Couples in normal relationships struggle of course, but it's just a whole other playing field. When you have a few days together every few months, the enemy is going to use that against you. You'll think you need to make up for all the lost time. But you don't. If you are in Christ, you have died to self. Don't submit to this yoke of slavery again. The Spirit is there to strengthen you, but just have to listen and submit. It's not worth the emotional and spiritual damage you do to your relationship and yourself to let your flesh rule over you. Remember, you are IN CHRIST, you can overcome it. It is entirely possible. You just have to remind yourself of the Gospel.
4. People don't actually understand.
I think the most annoying thing is the well-meaning people you talk to about your relationship. They either point out how much distance sucks (Oh, I didn't realize it was hard??) or share how hard it was being apart from their person for that week last summer. I'm not saying that's not hard, but it's like comparing college football to the NFL (although I probably am not the person to compare them, because I'm not exactly a sports person...but you get the point!). Just give me a pat on the back for sticking it through, and ask me how he's doing, that all we want.
5. It's a communication rollar coaster.
It's kind of a funny thing, communicating across miles and miles. It's actually easier when they're away, than when they come to visit for a weekend. You have to think about what you say before you text it. You don't take them for granted as easily, because every word, phone call, and Facetime is essential. And if you get annoyed by them, you're less likely to say something out of anger. You care more about how their days were, because you actually weren't there to experience it with them. You just have to be super intentional. But when you're together for a week, both your systems are uprooted in a flash. You go from living a fairly autonomous life, to suddenly having them there all day with you. It's overwhelming at times. Your entire life is pretty much on hold when they're there. You squeeze 3 months of relationship into 4 days. You're both overjoyed to be in their arms and weirdly annoyed at the smallest things you never noticed before (not to mention you will spend a lot more money in those couple of days, which is also stressful). Suddenly there is a living person in front of you, not a phone. You can't ignore them. You have to learn to adjust to the waves, or you will both crash and end up fighting and saying things you can never take back. Be gentle. Be quick to listen and slow to speak.
I hope you're encouraged by this if you in a long-distance relationship or considering one.
Here's to tomorrow, the death of long-distance.
In Christ.
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