Authenticity

I live in a country where it's very normal to have a church on just about every corner. I go to a very large church where it's likely that I know of less than five percent of it's several thousand members. It's easy to get lost in the shuffle, of all the pomp and circumstance. Stand up. Sit down. Stand back up. Shake a few strangers' hands. Sit back down. Say amen. Raise your hands. "How are you doing?" "Good, you?" "Good." "Pray for my..." "Of course (not)." Repeat a few more times. Then we all get back into our cars, and go about our days. 

I can't help but think I am missing something here. The Christian life has to be more than a few surface-y conversations, convicting sermons we have no real intention of obeying, cheesy radio and bumper stickers, and Lifeway bookstore (not knocking that store, I'm actually a frequent customer). The fact of the matter is that God himself came to die in my stead and was raised from the dead to prove his payment was sufficient. But does this really affect me? Has it really sunk in? Not just a few convicting tears at church camp, not just the christian lingo, not just the theological book sitting on my shelf that I claim to read. Not the serving in Middle school ministry, not being active in the college ministry, or even all the bible studies. It's all meaningless if not in Christ. 

When I'm faced with a choice, what do I so often do? I pray for opportunities to share the Gospel, but I either just miss them or ignore them when they come. Laziness, lack of vigilance, selfishness, fear, etc. You name it, I've felt it. I can only hide behind my introversion for so long. It's not even a good excuse. When a guy walked up to me (just moments after praying for this) offering a "self-actualization" book to me and a moment of my time, that was my cue. Yet I missed it. When the girl sitting next to me in class makes a comment, that was my cue to chime in. When my Jewish professor compliments me on my knowledge of the Old Testament, that was my cue to redirect the glory. Nope. Just "Thank you." Those cues will always keep coming, but I when will I start obeying? When will I actually listen to the Savior and LORD I claim over my life? 

Valley of Vision, "The Great God"

If I'm being honest, I can only think of one handful of lost people in my life. How am I supposed to react to that? The Christian life is not a separatist lifestyle. It's one fully engaged in culture and current events. Yet I mostly live in a bubble. Directly opposed to the Bible and the life and ministry of Jesus Christ, the one whom I claim to be like.

Yet I am also rarely honest with those Christians I see most often. I go about my day, they go about theirs. I go home to an unbelieving sister, brother-in-law, and toddler niece that I hypocritically react to rather than serving them like the Man I pretend to uphold. I treat my mother with a completely inappropriate attitude. I veg in my room on Netflix rather than soaking in the WORD OF GOD (or even homework for that matter!?) I manipulate the people around me, especially my fiancé, to fuel my approval idol. This list could go on for hours. My point is that I am a sinner. And unlike other sinners (lost people), I claim to follow Christ. I ardently say one thing, then oppose it with my next breath. This is much worse. 

"Now the law came to increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." Romans 5:20-21

This is a promise to which I cling. When I am weak, he is made strong. But in writing this post, my point is not to brush this under the rug again. It serves only to shed light where I often hide. These are things I am thinking of often these days and am daily seeking to turn from through the Holy Spirit in me. Honesty without repentance is just another shade of pride.

In Christ.