Pursual

   Lord, please forgive me for the moments when I think you're not good enough. When I am swindled into believing that I need something else, someone else. When I think my judgement is better than yours, and I go ahead of you in my actions. Help me to know that you are my husband, my bridegroom, and that it is your job to provide a journey partner for me, and your's alone. You pursue me, you fight for me, you love me. Why can't I know that that is enough?
     Hosea 2:16-20 "And in that day, declares the LORD, you will call me 'My Husband,' and no longer will you call me 'My Baal.' For I will remove the names of the Baals from her mouth, and they shall be remembered by name no more. And I will make for them a covenant on that day with the beasts of the field, the birds of the heavens, and the creeping things of the ground. And I will abolish the bow, the sword, and war from the land, and I will make you lie down in safety. And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the LORD." I love the picture that is presented in Hosea. The harlot is pursued when she has not even one good quality in her. Not only is she pursued, but searched, paid for, and forgiven. Aren't we all harlots? Don't we all have lovers, Baals, idols? WHY? When the Lord lies us down in safety, we play the whore. We give our affections to cheap entertainment that always disappoints us. Always leaving us wanting, used, and broken. Even though we're clearly betrothed to the only one worthy. We are betrothed forever to the Worthy, when we are unworthy. 
     Romans 5:8 "God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." God sent down His son, His perfect son, to live in a soiled world. To die, not only an excruciating death, but a death that faced God's wrath. For a few sinners, prostitutes and tax collectors (names I think still apply to all He has chosen) who don't know His name, who don't care to know Him, and who could never fully appreciate it, nor repay the favor if they did know Him. Just so we could look upon His Father instead of feeling His wrath. 


    Lord, please help us love you, know you, and seek you. Thank you for the cross.
    
     For this reason, I will await the Bridegroom. 

A New Allegiance.

Recently I got out of a relationship that I believed to be God's plan. I couldn't understand how something I believed to be, not only a good thing, but a God-honoring, ordained thing. One minute he was telling me he'd love me always and he'd never hurt me, the next he takes it back. We had planned on marriage, imagined baby names, and were to live when it happened. All the broken promises. Satan found his favorite new button to push, and I let him have his way with me for several weeks. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't breathe. I had let myself become so dependent on this guy, and I never realized it. Yet, through all the pain and the thousands of thoughts rushing through my mind every second, repeating what I've always felt to be true, "You're not good enough" or "You're ugly, no one wants you", or my personal favorite, "You'll never get married, never have kids", I believe I have come to a place, albeit recently (as in last night), where I can cling to the Lord, and His grace and steadfastness. God took me away from it, pruned me, so I could look more like Him. John 15:2 "Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away. And every one that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bring forth more fruit." So my mission today, daily, is to remind myself of the promises of God, that His grace is sufficient for me (2 Cor. 12:9), and He will never leave me nor forsake me (Hebrews 12:5). My allegiance is not to the world, not to the men who will never have arms long enough to reach all of my desires, but to the Lord who has redeemed me, and made me as white as snow. So I will not arouse or awaken love until it so desires (Song of Sol), I will await for my bridegroom.