A New Allegiance.

Recently I got out of a relationship that I believed to be God's plan. I couldn't understand how something I believed to be, not only a good thing, but a God-honoring, ordained thing. One minute he was telling me he'd love me always and he'd never hurt me, the next he takes it back. We had planned on marriage, imagined baby names, and were to live when it happened. All the broken promises. Satan found his favorite new button to push, and I let him have his way with me for several weeks. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't breathe. I had let myself become so dependent on this guy, and I never realized it. Yet, through all the pain and the thousands of thoughts rushing through my mind every second, repeating what I've always felt to be true, "You're not good enough" or "You're ugly, no one wants you", or my personal favorite, "You'll never get married, never have kids", I believe I have come to a place, albeit recently (as in last night), where I can cling to the Lord, and His grace and steadfastness. God took me away from it, pruned me, so I could look more like Him. John 15:2 "Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away. And every one that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bring forth more fruit." So my mission today, daily, is to remind myself of the promises of God, that His grace is sufficient for me (2 Cor. 12:9), and He will never leave me nor forsake me (Hebrews 12:5). My allegiance is not to the world, not to the men who will never have arms long enough to reach all of my desires, but to the Lord who has redeemed me, and made me as white as snow. So I will not arouse or awaken love until it so desires (Song of Sol), I will await for my bridegroom.